Narcissism is a term that seems to be trending more and more and most likely you have heard of it. Not all narcissistic behavior though characterizes someone on the scale of a narcissistic personality disorder who perpetrates narcissistic abuse. That latter concept of narcissistic abuse is something a little less understood. Especially among the general population but even in the experience on the receiving end of it and lacking the words or concepts to explain your situation. Why? Because it is an insidious, often subtle form of emotional and psychological abuse perpetrated by these individuals - in short those people with narcissistic and even psychopathic tendencies or Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) as I have learned in my own experience and journey in healing. If this is your first time to my blog, welcome. Let’s take a closer look at what narcissistic abuse is, its effects, and please explore my other posts sharing my personal perspectives on healing, the obstacles along the way and ultimately overcoming the trauma inflicted by such abuse.
Narcissistic abuse can manifest in various forms, including but not limited to:
1. Gaslighting: This is a manipulative tactic where the abuser makes the victim doubt their own memory, perception, or sanity.
2. Devaluation: The abuser frequently belittles or criticizes the victim, eroding their self-esteem. This can happen in very sneaky ways that makes it sound like the abuser is benevolent just trying to help and you are too sensitive and unable to take “constructive feedback”. Beware that last catch phrase.
3. Love Bombing: Initially, the abuser showers the victim with excessive affection and attention, only to withdraw it later as a form of control. This can also manifest as withholding of intimacy so the victim becomes conditioned to chase the abuser to regain affections.
4. Triangulation: Introducing a third person into the dynamics to create competition, jealousy, or to further control the victim. Beware this can also be done with children. This can often be associated with parental alienation syndrome (PAS)
5. Isolation: Gradually isolating the victim from friends, family, and support systems.
The Impact of Narcissistic Abuse
Narcissistic abuse often causes long-term psychological and physical effects, including depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, elevated blood pressure and in some cases, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). It can take a significant toll on one's mental and emotional well-being, affecting all aspects of life. I know. Been there.
My Personal Journey
My experience with narcissistic abuse has been both profound and life-altering. It began subtly, with small criticisms and occasional outbursts, which I initially dismissed as stress or mood swings. However, the behavior escalated, becoming a pattern of constant belittlement, gaslighting, manipulation, and control.
Recognizing the situation was the first step in my path to healing. Acknowledging that I was a victim of narcissistic abuse was painful but necessary. I had to accept that the problem wasn't with me; it was with the abuser's inability to empathize and their need for control. I unconsciously developed survivor and coping skills to deal with what was happening because I believed I loved him and wanted to make the relationship work - partly because I was conditioned that no one else would have me.
Healing and Moving Forward
Healing from narcissistic abuse is a journey, not a destination. It involves several steps:
1. Seeking Professional Help: Therapy and the Women’s Center (Kvinnojouren) was a cornerstone of my healing. A skilled therapist and a women’s center counselor who understood the dynamics of narcissistic abuse helped me process my experiences and rebuild my self-esteem.
2. Educating Myself: Learning about narcissistic abuse gave me clarity and helped me understand that the abuse wasn’t my fault.*
3. Building a Support System: Reconnecting with friends and family and building new relationships based on mutual respect and kindness was crucial.
4. Self-Care: Prioritizing my well-being through activities like exercise, meditation, and hobbies are helping me regain my sense of self.
5. Setting Boundaries: Learning to set healthy boundaries is essential in preventing future abuse and maintaining emotional well-being. This is a work in process to learn to unlearn.
In the end, remember that narcissistic abuse is a complex and challenging experience that leaves deep emotional scars. My path to recovery was not easy, but it was worth it. I say recovery even though I still have work to do and discover new areas yet unaddressed that need healing. If you're facing a similar situation, remember, you are not alone, and with the right support and resources, healing is possible. Put your mental and emotional health first, and don't hesitate to seek help. Your story may have begun with narcissistic abuse, but it does not end there because it's just a chapter that makes you stronger and more resilient.
In this vein, some good books* to gain more insight into the subject include:
In love and light.
*Please note that this post contains affiliate links, which means I earn a small commission at no extra cost to you if you make a purchase through them. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.