Understanding Coercive Control and Sexual Coercion in Relationships

As survivors, there are moments from our past that haunt us—times when we felt pressured into actions that went against our own boundaries and made us question our worth. This is yet another chapter in my journey of transforming shame into empowerment. It’s also my first post in quite a while, as I’ve been immersed in writing my book and e-books, juggling several exciting projects that I can't wait to share with you all. Anyway, recently, two memories from my past have resurfaced. While they still evoke feelings of discomfort and shame, I am ready to confront them and share my experiences to help others who may have gone through similar situations.

The first memory takes me back to the early days of my relationship with my ex-husband. We were visiting a mutual acquaintance, and in an intimate yet unsettling moment, my ex-husband coerced me into taking off my top in front of this person. I felt uncomfortable, but under pressure, I complied. At the time, I didn’t fully understand what was happening, but I knew it didn’t feel right.

A similar situation occurred during a trip to Hungary. We were on a disco boat, surrounded by friends and acquaintances when once again, my ex-husband pressured me to pull up my shirt and expose myself. The discomfort I felt was palpable, yet the pressure to comply—to gain approval or acceptance—was overwhelming. In both instances, I felt stripped of my autonomy and reduced to an object of control.

These moments were not isolated incidents, but rather part of a broader pattern of coercive control—a key element in narcissistic abuse. This form of control is insidious, slowly chipping away at a person's self-worth, boundaries, and ability to say “no.” It’s a type of emotional manipulation and sexual coercion that manifests in public and private spaces, often leaving the survivor feeling humiliated, powerless, and confused.

What I now understand is that these situations were not about love, care, or respect—they were about power. My ex-husband used these moments to assert dominance over me, to show that my body was something he could control. The shame I carried for years was misplaced because I was never in the wrong for feeling discomfort or for being coerced into actions I didn’t want to take.

Today, I want to offer a message of hope to others who may be grappling with similar memories. Your worth is not defined by the moments you were forced into or the shame you may carry. You have the power to reclaim your story, your boundaries, and your sense of self. Healing is a journey, but each step you take brings you closer to your truth and farther from the control that once defined you.

If you’ve experienced coercive control or sexual coercion in any form, know that you are not alone. By sharing our stories, we take back our power and show others that there is life beyond the pain—there is hope, healing, and empowerment.