Understanding Psychological Violence in Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissistic abuse, involves emotional and psychological manipulation and violence often characterized by repeated acts of dominance, criticism, belittling, manipulation, isolation, and more. For the person on the receiving end of this, it leaves deep-rooted and long-lasting scars. Unlike physical violence and abuse, the scars of narcissistic abuse are not visible, yet they are profound and can reshape a victim’s personality, outlook on life, and overall mental health. This post looks at the psychological violence aspects of narcissistic abuse, how to recognize it, and ways to take a step back in order to heal and recover.

One of the most damaging aspects of abuse of any kind is the toll it takes psychologically. Narcissistic abuse, in particular, exerts a less overt toll. A narcissistic abuser typically engages in a cycle of idealization, known as love-bombing, and devaluation, creating an emotional rollercoaster. This cyclical pattern can cause intense emotional confusion and a sense of instability in the victim. How do I know this? I lived it, and I have spent many hours in therapy and counselling with Kvinnojouren to understand what it was I went through.

Any repeated exposure to abusive behavior, and in my experience and many others in particular with narcissistic abuse erodes a person's self-esteem, self-worth, and self-confidence. Constant criticism, shaming, isolation, and gaslighting and other manipulation can, and for me did, lead to anxiety, depression, and symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Ultimately, almost thirty years of feeling diminished, minimized, worthless, and berated, and not really having any good explanation why.

So what happens? It can leads to becoming trapped in a cycle of fear and dependency, making it challenging to break free from the abusive relationship. I can recall at least three specific moments during which I considered leaving only to conclude that I couldn’t and had nowhere to go. Isolation was one of the tactics used by driving a wedge between me and my family and creating a dependency on my abuser and beyond that was also orchestrated, as it often is, through tactics like gaslighting, where your reality is distorted to the point your  trust in your own perceptions and memories is undermined. This further exacerbates the sense of helplessness and dependence on the abuser for validation and confirmation of what is reality.

Recognizing the Psychological Violence Tactics in Narcissistic Abuse is crucial for breaking free from its grasp where some of the key indicators include:

1. Gaslighting: the abuser denies or distorts reality to make you question your sanity.

2. Constant Criticism and Belittlement: the abuser frequently puts you down, eroding your self-esteem.

3. Control and Manipulation: The abuser exerts control over various aspects of your life, often manipulating them for personal gain or satisfaction. This includes isolation.

4. Emotional Blackmail: The abuser may use shame, guilt, fear, or obligation to manipulate you.

Other hallmarks that are the spectrum of psychological violence but more along the lines of emotional violence includes:

5. Lack of Empathy: The distinct lack of genuine empathy or concern for your well-being is a hallmark of narcissistic behavior.

Paths to Recovery

Recovery from the wounds inflicted and resulting scars from this form of violence inherent to narcissistic abuse requires time, self-compassion, and frequently professional support. My therapist told me in my case to be patient that the healing can take a very long time and can even be equal to the number of years it was inflicted. Key steps include:

1. Acknowledging the Abuse: Recognizing and accepting that one is a victim of narcissistic abuse is the first step towards healing.

2. Seeking Professional Help: Therapists, especially those experienced in dealing with abuse and trauma, can provide invaluable support and guidance.

3. Building a Support Network: Surrounding oneself with understanding friends or support groups can be therapeutic.

4. Rebuilding Self-Esteem: Engaging in activities that reinforce self-worth and confidence is crucial.

5. Setting Boundaries: Learning to set and maintain healthy boundaries is essential for preventing future abuse.

Recognizing the signs of such abuse and taking steps towards recovery are vital for your mental and emotional health. Remember though that healing takes time and is a long road – one that may be difficult, but is also filled with hope and the promise of a healthier, happier life ahead.

Some books that can give you more perspective:

"Psychopath Free: Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships With Narcissists, Sociopaths, & Other Toxic People"** by Jackson MacKenzie - Provides guidance on recognizing and recovering from toxic relationships.

"The Covert Passive-Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse" by Debbie Mirza - Helps readers identify covert narcissistic behavior and navigate the path to recovery.

Disclosure: I am not a trained psychologist and everything I have written is based on my experience and what I have learned. For a more in-depth exploration and support, please consult mental health professionals and consider accessing resources tailored to recovery from narcissistic abuse.

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